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I was reading one of those ever popular listy articles called “20 Things I Wish I Knew in My Twenties.” I eventually stopped reading because it was a little to Jesus-y for my liking, but I was oddly inspired to do things like go start a savings account.

And then I bought four pairs of Steve Madden shoes instead.

I wish I was kidding.

And don’t act like you’re surprised that I don’t have a savings account. We’re talking about a girl who used to dip Nilla Wafers in Nutella and not clean up broken champagne flutes from her bathroom floor (I just happened to think that drinking champagne while taking a bubble bath sounded like something that 23 year olds should be doing).

Damn that was only two years ago.

We’ve come so far and not so far at all.

I don’t know who the “we” is that I’m talking about. I guess that’s what happens when you have a formal name and a nickname. You develop multiple personalities. If people called me Alexandra I would probably have to act more like an Alexandra and less like a Lexie. I’d probably already have a savings account and be engaged to a guy with a large collection of polo shirts. I’d be shopping for a nice house in the suburbs of Maryland instead of shopping for the perfect black lace bralette to peak out from underneath a cut up band graphic tank (but really, how cute would that be?).

Enough hypothizing (god I wish that was a word). I forgot to share a very important bit of news:

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Trailing behind the Kardashians–Brandon’s response to all selfies.

On Tuesday I celebrated Natasha finally becoming a U.S. citizen. I’m not quite sure how citizenship works, but I think her becoming a U.S. citizen automatically makes me a citizen of Pakistan.

To quote my ex-friend Brandon (who I never blog about anymore because we never hang out anymore now because he’s tired of my girl drama and has been spending more time with his dude friends),

“I liked her better as a foreigner.”

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I took Tuesday off to drive Natasha out to the United States Immigration & Citizenship Services office out near Baltimore. I imagined it being basically like the MVA only maybe a little bit worse. While waiting for her test, Natasha and I read chapters of I Lost My Love in Baghdad aloud to each other, and then as a thanks for driving her to her test, Natasha picked a scab and rubbed her blood on me while I wasn’t paying attention.

I need new friends.

After she passed her test, we celebrated in the Baltimore Inner Harbor with paddle boats. The guys at the paddle boat place gave us XXL life vests, so needless to say we will both be living in the gym for the rest of the summer.

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One last confession–we went to McDonalds right before Natasha’s citizenship test. It was the only restaurant around and it seemed like such a great way to pre game Natasha’s American citizenship.

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{ 1 comment… add one }

  • ButtChug Jackson June 7, 2014, 11:15 pm

    Hypothesizing. Boom.

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