up and coming

“They say I’m up and coming like I’m fucking on an elevator.” – Ed Sheeran

30 Days without Drinking & Costa Rica

Back in September, Monica and I booked a pretty spontaneous Costa Rica trip for November. Which means just when I thought that my bikini days were over and I could hide my semi-frequent drunk Jumbo Slice trips under big chunky sweaters, I all of the sudden have to once again attempt to keep my body looking its “Perfect 7” best (okay, yes–a seven is generous).

So Monica and I both decided that another Whole 30 (we’ve done two together before) wouldn’t be the worst idea we’ve ever had. (In case you’re wondering, the worst idea we ever had was attempting to go to the Renwick museum after 3 hours of bottomless brunch at Masa 14. We fortunately never made it, which means I threw up, took my shirt off, and passed out for 8 hours in the middle of the day in my apartment instead of in a DC museum.)

If you know me or follow my blog, you probably can guess what the hardest part of Whole 30 is for me–no alcohol. I knew I can do it, but I was surprised by how many of my friends doubted I could do it. “What are you going to do on the weekends? Or in your case, what are you going to do on Tuesdays,” they asked.

But there’s gotta be more to life than happy hour, bottomless brunch, and scrubbing vomit stains out of your carpet, right? I’m working on a post that details how I’m spending my 30 sober days in the city. And then I think after that I will write a post on what it’s like to drink every day for 30 days straight in the city.

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Monica and I in Puerto Rico last year. Her family referred to me as “Mas Tequila” while we were down there because that was the only Spanish I knew. I picked up on a little while I was down there–like “mas carne.” We ate chicken gizzards that day and Monica’s family reminded her “white friend” to reapply sunscreen after 15 minutes. It was an amazing time.

My Book Is Coming

I’m single, I live alone, and I’m currently taking a drinking hiatus. This means I have a lot of extra free time on my hands, which is good because I have set a deadline to self publish my book by 12/31. One of the biggest reasons I haven’t made more progress on my book (Always a Blogger, Never a Bride) over the past few years is because the idea of trying to attract a literary agent sounded harder than trying to attract a man to buy me a dinner. Or at least a drink. Or at least lie on top of me. So I’m self publishing.

And the book will be free for you to download. I’m considering CreateSpace for people who want a hardcopy, and also considering providing “Girl on a Train” book covers so that you don’t have to be ashamed of what you are reading in public places.

Wedding Dress Shopping with Maddie

So while I’m busy writing books about being always a blogger, never a bride, my little sister is planning her wedding for Sept. 2017. She was drunk one afternoon and asked me to be her maid of honor, but then she asked again sober recently so I think she means it.

Part of me was convinced that I’d make a terrible maid of honor, but Maddie said I’ll I need to do is write a speech and plan a bachelorette. Now THAT I can do.

I’ll be headed home later this month to tell her which wedding dress makes her boobs look the nicest.

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Halloween

My core little friend group consists of 5 people, so Shaheen thought we should dress up for Halloween as It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I would have to be Sweet Dee since I’m the only blonde, and Natasha and Leah had to fight over who was going to be Charlie and who was going to be Frank. Realistically this is a terrible idea and no one is going to know who we are. I’m probably going to bail and dress up as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s divorce attorney.

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Halloween 2014. Monica and I both were dating people but did a couple’s costume with each other instead. Cool Ranch Doritos and Nacho Cheese Doritos, obviously.

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