…no I’m not talking about my body.

I listen to a lot of rap music because my back up career when this writing thing fails is to be a famous white lady rapper.

Yeah. That might be the most embarrassing thing ever.

Also, that shirt that I’m wearing isn’t even mine. I woke up when morning after a crate race and was wearing two shirts, mine and this one I apparently stole from the crate race host. Most people wake up after a night of heavy drinking with no clothes on. I end up with twice as many clothes on.

The sad thing is the shirt fits me perfectly but I never wore it in Pittsburgh because I was afraid the host would call me out on it someday walking down Forbes avenue. Or you know, in the office. Did I mention we worked together?

Now that I’m in Merryland, I feel like it’s okay to wear it.

This has little to nothing to do with rap music.

I’ve decided to compile the dirtiest lines from rap music ever. Feel free to contribute in the comments section and I will gladly add them. (Mom, gramma, baby brudder, anyone with a soul… stop reading.)

• Have you ever had sex with a pharaoh? I put the pussy in a sarcophagus. Now she’s claiming that I bruise her esophagus.—Monster, Kanye West
• Superman aint savin shit, girl you can jump on Shady’s dick.—Superman, Eminem
• I heard you just had a baby. You want a new boy in you?—Back seat, New Boyz
• I wanna tickle her spot, spot, spot until she says don’t stop stop stop. It would be my pleasure to tease you lick clit bite bite nipple nipple tease ya.—Ay Chico, PitBull
• I want to get with you mami. Now let me see where the Lord split your lolly.—Hey Baby, Pitbull
• What’s your zodiac? See me, I be a Libra. And I do everything twice so I eat her eat her. I need her need her. Yeah til she sees the sun. With a tongue like a nine millimeter gun.—Lil Wayne, Phase
• Now Imma rock yo body, turn you over, smell me like some burnin Folgers. In the morning turn you over while you yawning bend you over.—Lil Wayne, Phase

And in a category that’s not necessarily dirty but just weird, we have a few select lines from Bloodhound Gang’s “Bad Touch.”

• You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel.
• I want you smothered, want you covered like my Wafflehouse hashbrowns.
• Put your hands down my pants and I bet you’ll feel nuts.

Yeah okay sorry we’re going to need a way better list than that. COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT. Also, the line doesn’t have to be from a rap song. But no country. Okay you can include country. After, the word cuntry is a little dirty in itself. Wow that wasn’t punny at all.

My new job has taught me that sure enough, the only language I know is English. Well, I actually put that I spoke Pittsurghese on a Sephora job application once. They obviously weren’t impressed. They never called.

Nonetheless, a phone call to a Canadian company assured me that three years of high school French and one year of college with a Parisian roommate equals nothing but a lot of “je ne parle pas francais” on the phone.

And a conversation to the restroom and a brief “hola” to the cleaning lady is all I can muster, even after an entire semester of Zumba.

That was a long introduction to say that I really like songs that aren’t in English that I can’t even understand. I call them “international inspiration” for my workouts.

Enjoy.

Or not.

It doesn’t really matter to me.

Japanese:

British:

German:

Spanish:

For more music posts, check out the “songs I’m obsessed with” tag.

I got stuck in some traffic this morning in Dormont where I was just sitting in the same spot for a good 10 minutes or so. I get bored easily and was looking for something to do. I found a pair of tweezers and decided to de-unibrow myself right there in my car sitting in traffic. The people around me sure thought I was weird, but I look less like Peter Gallagher now.

So I thought it was a good time for another series of “Songs I’m obsessed with.” I do this thing where I like a song and listen to it on repeat until I hate it. My sister hates when I do this because I end up ruining a lot of good songs for her, too. Anyway, I have no idea why I feel the need to share this series since I have terrible taste in music or why I even call it a series whenever I’ve only ever done it once before, but here it is:

In honor of Pretty Girl Rock, I decided to write my own Pretty Girl Rock:

My name is Lexie. I’m so sexy. My oh my it’s a little bit….okay I give up.

Bye.

More on my blog post title later ;-)

So hey blog, remember me?

Yes, it’s been awhile.

I hope you all had a bangin’ Thanksgiving.

I’m currently watching True Life: I want a perfect body 2. The one girl is training for a fitness competition. Has anyone ever done one?

Heyyy, a girl can dream, right? Of course all the dreaming in the world won’t get her a body like that…less dreaming, more gym-ming. Lol.

So I think Tom and I are going to brave Target tomorrow at 4 a.m. I want to get his x-box 360 and I want him to get me six seasons of Sex and the City for $10 each. Ohhhh Black Friday! Unfortunately, ever year the Backyard Brawl–aka the Pitt v. West Virginia game–is on the same day as Black Friday. I will be a tired girl tomorrow after shopping that early, being at the game by noon, and sitting in the snow and rain for four hours. Last year the game was in West Virginia and FRIGID. Coldest day ever, I swear.

backyard brawl. so cold.

Don’t I look like Nanook of the North?

Okay, so about the title of my post. Tom and I are having a competition. Our goal is to lose each lose 6 pounds before January 1st. And uh, I better win :) or at least tie. But mostly win.

And finally, here are some songs I’m obsessed with atm:

The first two are good for working out, the third one is good for yoga. In fact, we listened to it during yoga once and that’s why I ended up becoming obsessed with it.

Alright, well I can’t believe I’m considering getting up at 3:30 a.m…. but I’m sure I’m not the only one!

TTFN,

Lexie

I’m not really a recipes kind of blogger, but this one involves like one step, so go I’m gonna go with it.

Now I’m a chips and dip freak, but that’s definitely not the healthiest snack. I think one of the most important steps for permanent weight loss is to not deny yourself the things you like, but to instead make them healthier.

So instead of a potato chip or regular tortilla chip, I recommend the Soy Flaxeed Tortilla Chips from Trader Joes.

These chips have more protein, fiber, and omega 3′s than regular chips. Even if the calories are similiar, at least they aren’t an empty food. They fill you up way better, too. Another healthy take on the chips would be to of course bake your own. I might just have to try that sometime.

Now for the dip. I’m a french onion dip freak, but sour cream isn’t too great for you. Lezzz make it healthy.

Step 1: Take plain Fage greek yogurt (I recommend using the 2%)

Step 2: Combine with about a quarter of a packet of Lipton’s Onion Soup and Dip Mix.

I had my doubts about this recipe, but the consistency is very much like that of sour cream. That’s the nice thing about the thick, greek yogurt as opposed to regular yogurt. It has less calories than sour cream and more belly filling protein. I had some of this last night and I was very satisfied. Plus, it’s super easy for people like me who don’t really cook. I’ll continue to experiment with different types of healthy dips.

So now that I’ve shared a recipe with you, I’d also like to share one of my favorite songs to run to. If you don’t like rap, you might not like it, but it still has a back track that pumps me up, hardcore. It’s called Remember the Name by Fort Minor.

Alright, have a great day guys!