I was in one of the slowest and most boring meetings of my life at work today between 1 and 2 p.m. As the meeting dragged on, I remember thinking, “oh my god please get me out of here.”

Shortly after, I felt some light floor vibrations, followed by a violent shaking and swaying of my entire building.

Needless to say, the meeting was adjourned as we evacuated the building. I got to leave work early around 2:30 and went and ate bacon cheese fries and drank cosmos with a coworker.

I have no doubt in my mind that what I experienced today was a miracle. How often do you really need an excuse to get out of a really boring meeting and an east coast earthquake happens?

Other thoughts…

This strange red light came on in the SmartCar today on the way to work. My first thought was, “Fuck, what’s wrong with my car?” My second thought was, “That light kind of looks like my vagina.” I’m normal.

I went to Tyson’s Corner for the first time over the weekend and was entertained watching this sushi conveyer belt for a good 20 minutes.

Pancake on my face makes me extra happy. I like fluffy chinchillas that sit on my lappy. This is my second Andy Milonakis reference on the blog. If you can find the first one, I’ll post a picture of myself naked. Oh wait, that’s not much of an incentive to do anything. Nevermind.

We’ve been nuzzling the chinchilla a lot because this is supposed to reassure him that we are not going to eat him…

Even more thoughts:

If you think I’m weird, you should see what I witnessed when I went to visit family the other weekend…

I think I was the only one in the family to not test out the new dog kennel…

They’re normal.

I’ve been making BF go on “evening strolls” to the lake with me. We’re 90 years old. It’s fine.

Happy earthquake day!

I admittedly don’t follow the Pittsburgh Post Gazette anymore now that I live in Merryland. However, this gem of an article was dropped into my lap about how a quarter of social media users make pages for pets.

According to the article:

More than a quarter of American social networking users — 28 percent — have created accounts on Facebook, Twitter or some other social networking site on behalf of a furry friend or a tot, according to a survey commissioned in late June by coupon site Couponcodes4u.com.

And while 68 percent of those who made accounts abandoned them within the first week of creation, another 43 percent said the pages were intended to share the unique personalities of their pets and children with a world that would never know them otherwise.

This is just so dumb I can’t even take it.

Really. Why does your dog, developing fetus, left nipple need it’s own facebook/twitter/blog?

I’m constantly reminded of the lyric from Harvey Danger’s “Flagpole Sita” song that says “been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding.”

Yes. People that are stupid enough to make facebook accounts for their unborn child and Fluffy the kitty.

I’ll let you get back to your work day.

If you’re still bored and looking for a distraction, check out my chinchilla, Margaret Thatcher on Twitter.

I’m not a big bumper sticker person.

But if I ever got a bumper sticker, it would probably have something to do with chinchillas.

So why am I all of a sudden in the market for a bumper sticker?

It MIGHT have something to do with this…

But more on that tomorrow…

(Don’t forget to poop!)

(Don’t forget to shave your asscrack)

(Don’t forget to bone—yes, absolutely everything is wrong with this picture. Margaret Thatcher is wandering around like he owns the place, my bed is not made, and there are stairs so MT can get on that unmade bed. Let’s not forget the wet towell on the floor, the random running shoe in the middle of the floor, and the white cat toy that MT has his way with on a daily basis.)

Don’t worry. He never forgets to be adorable. <3

Margaret Thatcher and I are safely in Germantown, MD. Mags was so good on the way down, it was very surprising. Chinchillas don’t do well in the car, especially 4+ hours in the car so I was a little worried about our move. But I bought him a ridiculous traveling bag/house that he seemed to love, and he sat in between the two seats of the moving truck in air conditioning for 5 hours. Can’t be that bad. Also, chinchillas are nocturnal so he would have just been sleeping all day anyway.

I on the other hand, didn’t do so well with the move. Friday morning I was just packing and cleaning when I randomly started crying and breathing really quickly and shallowly.

I’ve come to realize that the reason I was having a panic attack was because I really was in love with my apartment in Squirrel Hill.

It was me and Tom’s first apartment together and it really felt like home to me. I’m definitely going to miss it, although not necessarily the crappy management services.

Our kitchen was huge. Many, many protein smoothies were made in this baby.

We conveniently had an extra room off the kitchen that we used as storage.

And that room randomly had a window. God I’m going to miss that useless window.

Then there was our dining room. Which we never actually used for dining because I always had my crap on the dining room table. Sorry, Tom.

Oh and the living room. That room has seen more episodes of America’s Next Top Model than any other room in the world. And those floors probably are about to collapse from all the workout videos I did and Dance Dance Revolution I played. Sorry new tenants.

And then there was the bedroom. The room Margaret and I would trash to no end and then just shut the door when company would come. Don’t make fun of the lotion by the bed. It’s not what you think.

And of course my closet. The fourth love of my life, after Margaret Thatcher, Tom, and Doritios. Note the order.

Goodbye sweet, sweet apartment. May your new tenants not bring along a chinchilla that shits all over you. <3 

Don’t kill me Leah, but I bought the blazer.

Isn’t she a beauty? I probably spent more money on that blazer than I’ve spent on any other item of clothing. I justified it because I needed something to wear to my job interview. And then I had a fun time pretending that I’m a young professional.

I’m normal. I wish I could say it ended there. But it didn’t.

I’ve been watching too much America’s Next Top Model. I apologize.

With all my free time, I also decided to bust out something I haven’t used in a long time.

My favorite workout ever <3

I was just hoping it wouldn’t wake up the little nugget.

Surprisingly, he didn’t seem to mind.

I played DDR on workout mode and burned 300 calories. I guess this is what unemployed people have time to do…

Happy Weirdo Wednesday! Yes, this week I remembered.

But as it turns out, there is more than one weirdo living in my house.

And believe it or not, I’m not talking about Tom.

Nope. I’m talking about Margaret Thatcher.

Lately, Margaret Thatcher has been flipping his igloo house over. Sometimes he sleeps in it like that, sometimes he doesn’t.

What a ridiculous animal.

One year ago today, I was given a gift for my 21st birthday.

This little cutie pie has brought me so much happiness in the past year.

And I’m looking forward to our next 20 years together.

Happy Birthday Margaret Thatcher!

I LOVE YOU!!!

Sure he looks sweet….

But those big kangaroo feet of his sure hurt.

That’s my arm, btw. Didn’t want anyone to think I have really hairy legs. Even though I do.

I promise those scratches look a lot worse in person and I’m not just a huge pansy.

A post today on The New York Time’s well blog discussed the health benefits of people walking their dogs.

Several studies now show that dogs can be powerful motivators to get people moving. Not only are dog owners more likely to take regular walks, but new research shows that dog walkers are more active over all than people who don’t have dogs.

One of my favorite things about going home to visit is being able to walk my family’s dog, Nana. One summer I would walk her for around two hours a day. Seriously. Love it.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a dog at my apartment in Squirrel Hill…

But I wonder if Margaret Thatcher would let me walk him…

Erm… yeah…okay.