The November 2011 issue of Cosmopolitan has an article about the “dangerous ripple effect” to breaking up.

Northwestern University discovered that after getting out of a relationship, we’re likely to make bad decisions. The areas we’re prone to botching:

Health: Studies show you’re more prone to gaining weight after ditching a man, probably because you reach for food as comfort.

Appearance: The study found that many participants changed their look post-breakup. Not a great idea, since you’re also likely to make bad decisions.

Safety:This is when you’re most susceptible to agreeing to that fifth tequila shot or going home with the loner with a face tattoo.

Hm well I do like tequila…

Anyway, I have no idea what this article is talking about. I’ve been single for a little over a month now and I don’t think I’ve made a single bad or rash decision in that entire time period. It’s not like I went and got something absolutely ridiculous tattooed on my body or something…

Oh wait. Yeah I did.

And just think, that gem of a tattoo will be on my left upper thigh for the rest of my silly blog writing life. Good thing it still makes me laugh every time I see it.

Sorry that you always have to find out about these things on the internet, mom.

Everyone has somewhat of an expertise in something.

There is always a topic that you will know more about than your friends and family that they will come to you with questions about.

The following text message from an anonymous relative should sum up what my expertise is in:

Yes, apparently I have become the poop expert.

For this very important question, I decide I should consult the bible.

(Yes, I call the “What is Your Poo Telling You?” book the bible. Margaret Thatcher calls it a snack as you can see by the chewed up binding.)

Here’s what Dr. Stool says about floaters:

• Two components can cause stool to float: gas and fat
• Most commonly, floaters are due to the fourth burrito or second helping of chili from the day before
• If gas is the culprit, you’ll notice your fart levels increase above normal levels
• Floaters are only worrisome is they are foul-smelling and greasy—this indicates presence of fat and a possible GI tract problem
• “The pancreas, liver, and gall bladder normally team up to help the body digest the fat we consume. When these organs become diseased, dietary fat passes through our GI tract largely undigested and results in the formation of floating, “oil-slick” stool.”

So there you go anonymous relative. You’re either gassy or have a GI tract problem.

You’re welc!

Well I’ve been living in Merryland for well over a month now. If Merryland were a boy and we were dating, I totally would have had sex with Merryland by now.

Living down here kind of makes me feel like I’m on vacation…

…I mean, except for the whole working a full time job thing.

Yesterday I checked out Georgetown with Dana. The same Dana that helps me make up my FAQs.

I contemplated buying the Snuggie Sutra while we were down there…

…but I ended up opting for a hat instead.

I swear it looked cute without the 3D glasses.

We saw Harry Potter. And you probably haven’t heard yet but it’s really good.

Although when I went to buy some popcorn like the total binge-er that I am, the guy working the concession stand greeted me with a “What’s going ooon?”

“Umm, yeah, ok. Can I have a small popcorn please?”

“What moooovie are you seein’?”

“Umm, Harry Potter.”

“You on a date?”

“No I’m just here with some friends.”

“That’s what they ALL say.”

Um, what does that even mean?????

That popcorn wasn’t even that good. Definitely not worth the harassment. Although you know what they say: “It’s not harassment if you like it!”

I should add that my shirt was broken during all of this.

Notice my lack of strap on the my one shoulder? Randomly broke sometime before the popcorn incident. Awkward. I should probably stop doing all those pull-ups. My muscles are obviously becoming so strong that they just tear through my clothing.

Also, something’s wrong with my face. But we always knew that, didn’t we?