For the past few years, I’ve lived in urban areas that don’t require a car to get around. It’s nice to not need a car, but at the same time, I can’t say I haven’t been bitten by strange old black men on Port Authority buses before. Basically, I’m aware that public transportation has its downfalls. Therefore, last summer, I coughed up a down payment for George Bush the SmartCar.

I pay a monthly car payment for George Bush, a monthly car insurance payment, and $25 to fill him up with gas every week. And believe it or not, I don’t do these things to give you, my non-car-owning friends/acquaintances/male prostitutes rides home/to the metro/to the gynecologist. If I offer you a ride, fine. It’s because I like you, or I’m feeling generous, or I want to sleep with you. What bothers me, however, is when these non-car owners actually ASK me to give them rides or want me to go significantly out of my way.

You’re giving me car-ownership guilt, people! And yeah. I know how much time it will save you if I drop you off at the metro instead of you having to take a bus there. But if you’re that worried about saving time/having to stand in the rain or snow/being bitten by weirdos on the bus, maybe you should suck it up and make a downpayment on a nugget car and make a monthly car payment and a monthly car insurance payment and fill up your tank weekly like the rest of us.

This might be the bitchiest thing I’ve ever written.

The end.

PS: If you’re hot, I will drive you wherever you want to go. Pretend you didn’t read this.

PSS: I hate this post and I might delete it.

PSSS: Oh well I’ll leave it for now and delete it when someone comments and tells me what a bitch I am.

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