Last night at approximately 5:23 p.m. ET, Alexandria (editor’s note: not my real name) “Lexie” Bond was kidnapped outside of Camelot in Dupont Circle. I received a ransom note from her kidnappers early this morning.
“To ensure the safe return of the
fake blonde fake eyelash-ed girl, send 50 triple whoppers to (address retracted) by 6 p.m. tonight and she will be released.”
We need your help. To all lexiebond.com readers out there, all 5 of you, please send triple whoppers immediately to P.O. Box 867, Eugene, Oregon 97440-0867. Remember, if you don’t – we’ll never know what Lexie was really doing at Camelot at 5:23 p.m. ET on a Sunday or what she did last Summer.