I learned in my Persuasive Writing class that the second most visited page on websites to the home page is the FAQ’s page. So I decided to make one. However, people usually don’t ask me questions…so myself and my friend Dana made up the questions ourselves. Enjoy.

Q: So um, how often do you actually shower?
A: Probably twice a week. Before you throw up and stop reading my blog forever, I do take baths almost every day.

Q: How far have you gone with a boy?
A: I’d say maybe a few miles. I’m not that great of a runner…

Q: Do you find yourself attractive?
A: Stunningly so.

Q: What turns you on?
A: Doritos.

Q: Do you like it well done? Cause I do it well.
A: Well, I mean, I guess.

Q: Who found you, Miss New Booty?
A: Miss New Booty? I’m more like Miss Pancake Booty.

Q: What color underwear are you wearing?
A: Black n yellow black n yellow black  n yellow. Nah ta be honest they’re pink n yellow.

Q: If he puts a bag on your head, does it still count?
A: According to Akon it does!

Q: Can you set me up with your friend Dana?
A: Only if you have a neck! (Sorry, joke between Dana and me. Let’s just say, every woman deserves a man with a neck.)

Q: Will you marry me?
A: I’m sorry. I’m already seeing someone. It happens to be the guy on the pringles can.

Q: What is your favorite flavor poptart?
A: PUMPKIN PIE POPTARTS!!!!

Q: Why are you so awesome?
A: Idk I mean just look at me.

Q: What is your favorite song?
A: Poison by Alice Cooper. I plan on getting it tattooed somewhere on my body.

Q: If you could have been the author of one book, what would it have been?
A: What are these strawberries doing on my nipples I need them for the fruit salad.

Q: What’s your major food weakness?
A: Gin. Oh did you say food?

Q: What’s the oldest piece of clothing you still own and wear?
A: Well seeing as I still fit into my training bras from fifth grade…

Send your questions to lexluthorbond [at] gmail dot com or ask them at formspring.me/youstupidbeaver.