I started a draft of this blog post during my Whole 30. It was intended to chronicle my 30 days of no drinking and my quest to find out how sober people spend their time.
And then I got a little distracted. So yeah. I broke Whole 30 a few times. Progress never perfection, friends. Enjoyed the first 10 days of my semi-successful/semi-failed health attempt:
Day 1 – Friday, Sept. 30
I started off the day without my usual pre-work Bloody Mary (hahahah kidding. maybe.). Had no problem saying no to the beer and pizza at a work party later in the day. Contently munched on a Whole Foods salad while my friends had pizza, wine, and brownie sundaes while watching the Amanda Knox documentary. Passed out on Natasha’s couch around 11:30, not because I was too drunk to drive home but because trying to keep up with the Kardashian’s is exhausting (exhaustingly boring, actually).
Day 2 – Saturday, Oct. 1
No Saturday brunch or tailgating for me. My entire apartment is clean, I’ve worked out, and read a magazine. My Keurig is broken so I go get a cold brew at Dunkin Donuts. Holy shit Dunkin Donuts has cronuts? What a wonderful time to be alive and a terrible time to be doing a Whole 30.
I set a 90 minute timer and force myself to work on the blog and my book. Take a short nap. Meet up with friends at Shake Shack. Eat nothing. Head to Old Town Alexandria for the evening to see some live music at Murphy’s. Stop at sex toy store with friends. Make note to order sex toys online when not with friends. Stop at Ben & Jerry’s before Murphy’s. Get nothing. Order salad and grilled chicken at Murphy’s. Tell people who ask why I’m not drinking that I’m pregnant.
Day 3 – Sunday, Oct. 2
Make healthy breakfast. Go for a run. Go with Leah to get her haircut in Fairfax. Buy some new workout clothes at TJ Maxx. Hope that I don’t replace my drinking hobby with a shopping hobby, though I’m not sure which one would inevitably cost me more. Buy spaghetti squash in bulk at Wegmans. Go for a walk through the H Street area with Brandon and Leah. Eat spaghetti squash. Sip hot tea while watching the Steelers game.
Day 4 – Monday, Oct. 3
Have lunch at the picnic tables with my Whole 30-participating coworkers. Drink a thousand cups of tea at work (I swear this helps for some reason). Go to Body Pump. Eat salmon. Work on the book.
Day 5 – Tuesday, Oct. 4
Work late. Go to trivia at Mellow Mushroom with Natasha & Shaheen. Realize I’m the weak tit on the mama cat when it comes to trivia. Make it a point to start playing Sporcle again in my newfound downtime. Eat salad and drink water while Trash & Sha eat pizza and drink beer. See a giant dead rat in the alley on my walk home. Work on the book.
Day 6 – Wednesday, Oct. 5
If you’ve done a Whole 30 before, you might be familiar with the Whole 30 timeline. By day 6 I was to have exited the “Kill All the Things” phase and entire the “I Just Want a Nap” phase. Instead, I somehow skipped to the Days 12-15 “Boundless Energy” phase. I sense that my coworkers who joined me on the Whole 30 hate me for this.
All day long I can’t wait to go to the gym and get a really good run in. But I end up working late. Whatever. I show up to the gym at 8:45 and run anyway. I get home and meal prep like a motherfucker and work on the ol’ blog and chain.
Day 7 – Thursday, Oct. 6
Standard day. Saw a snapchat of some cinnamon rolls and almost cried (it’s a good thing you can’t smell through snapchat). Headed to RFD tonight to check out the comedy scene in the evening. Brought komchuba so I would have something to do with my hands.
Day 8 – Friday, Oct. 7
Invited Monica over after work and cooked for her. We made mocktails and little mini (bunless) burgers. I told her if this was ever our actual life and not our Whole 30 lives, that we should just kill ourselves. We walked down to an adult store in Dupont called Bite the Fruit. I bought something to entertain myself for the rest of my drinkless days.
Day 9 – Saturday, Oct. 8
Gym. Movies and dinner with Natasha at Kramer Books. Went to bed early.
Day 10 – Sunday, Oct. 9
Went to the zoo with Jill and baby Jake. Meal prepped. Read a book.
If you’re looking for non-drinking activities, you should read, write, cook, workout, and buy sex toys.