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You know how sometimes you have days like this?

Well. Today I had a day like this:

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Yes–those are five-tier Minnetonkas because no, my three-tier ones were not enough.

I dreamt of my love last night, who I haven’t dreamt of in quite some time.

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In my dream, he was just as sick as he was before we had to put him down–except he was in my mom’s old house and we had forgotten he was there–sick and alone for who knows how long.

If I’m being honest with myself, I think the dream has a lot to do with someone else in my life who is sick and who I feel almost as equally powerless to help anymore.

The limited stability in my life has come from somewhere I never thought I would find it–in taking care of myself.

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Sorry–ignore the part about the vodka.

So yes, even after the dream, the rest of my day went on to be increasingly lousy. I may have punched a door and broken one of my bracelets in the process. But before I knew it, I was pulling into the parking lot of Gold’s Gym ready to get out my frustrations. And let me tell you, if you want to up your weight in not one, not two, but three different Body Pump tracks, all you have to do is suffer under the weight of a terrible day–and then physical weight will never feel as heavy.

I’m feeling a lot better now–and I apologize for being such a killjoy blogger. If you find yourself having a similar Monday, this song has been helping me out a lot. You won’t see me fall apart ’cause I’ve got an elastic heart. Bonus points? Shia Labeouf is in that music video and I’m pretty sure he’s supposed to look homeless but he looks sexy as fack. The obsession that waned with the ending of Even Stevens has been exponentially renewed with this music video.

Come to me, Louis. Errr. I mean Shia.

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not dead yet!

It’s definitely been 6+ months since I had my hair done, and I have one very important question. How come when Drew Barrymore lets her roots go, she looks super cool…


…and when I let my roots go I look more like an unshowered Courtney Love?


I forgot to tell you the funniest thing that happened–and thankfully I had Jill to remind me of it.

Traditionally, my sisters and I spend Christmas Eve with my dad’s family and Christmas day with my mom’s family. I didn’t make it home until almost midnight on Christmas day, so I missed out on a lot (okay, pretty much all) of the festivities. But that doesn’t mean I’m dead, people:


The weekend before Christmas, Brian and I drove up to Philly to spend some time with his dad. I realize that as a Pittsburgh native, I’m supposed to dislike Philadelphia, but I cannot possibly dislike a city that combines cheese, steak, and bread so beautifully (in case you’re curious, almost all guides pointed me to Pat’s for cheesesteaks).


I have only met Brian’s dad a few times, but I happened to spot a Spartan warrior helmet as soon as I entered his home. I don’t even think I said hi to him before I beelined straight to the helmet.

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to need to put this on,” I told him.

And of course, put it on I did.


Before you even say it Trevor (just in case you still read my blog), yes–I know I look a lot prettier with that helmet on.



festival fashion

 Is it weird that I would wear what I call “festival fashion” pretty much every day of my life?
Festival Fashion



As much as I hated all the teenage butt cheek at Sweet Life last year (high-waisted short trend–you can die now), I couldn’t help but love the festival atmosphere.

Take me back.




I love the pin-up looking girl lounging in the background of this photo. How timeless does she look? I wish I was her in this picture instead of the doofus holding the Bud Light with the strategically placed company logo on my beer koozie.


microsoft word endorsements

So you know how when people announce their engagements or pregnancies on Facebook, they get like, 200+ likes? Obviously I have nothing like that to announce. BUT. Every once in awhile I have what I think is comedic gold and it gets a few pity likes. Anything that breaks 10 is considered GOOD in my book, so I was thrilled that my FB friends at least appreciated a good Austin Powers reference:

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Speaking of social media, my new favorite hobby is endorsing people for “Microsoft Word” on LinkedIn. Eventually I got a taste of my own medicine…


I don’t know why I find this so amusing–I just do.

Our office is in a very industrial area and is therefore in walking distance of absolutely nothing–except for a gas station/McDonalds combo. Every once in while when we need an afternoon pick-me-up, we’ll walk up for a snack. Today I bought these brownie stuffed cookies because I have NO respect for my body apparently:


This kind of reminds me of the Thanksgiving apparel investment I made that I think I neglected to share with you:


And there might have been a shirt purchased for Christmas as well:

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This shirt was especially appropriate given the past few Christmases with my family. In 2013, for example, I ended up having the flu and rationalizing that I could still drink as long as I was drinking screwdrivers (for the vitamin C, of course). I then tricked my mom into giving my Benadryl. Just so you know, tee many screwdrivers + Benadryl = what I imagine some kind of hard drug trip would feel like. I ended up texting my boyfriend something about the old Disney channel show “Even Stevens,” followed by–“Yeah Andy, brother is too tall.” PS–my boyfriend’s name isn’t Andy. In fact, I don’t have a single Andy in my phone. Update: I definitely wrote a post about this appropriately titled “vodka and Benadryl”.

I think that’s enough nonsense for tonight.


we’re back!

At least 2 people have asked me what happened to lexiebond.com–which is enough to make me pay $50 to renew the hosting for another 3 months.


In case you can’t tell by the blurriness and the sequins, that picture was from New Years. I have a lot to catch you up on, but I’m extremely busy having the laziest Saturday of my life.

Okay so it’s not THAT lazy. I made it to body pump, went to Trader Joes, and made homemade miso soup.

At least TWO of those things were on me and Bailey’s 2015 goal list:


So just because my life is super uninteresting doesn’t mean the lives of lexiebond.com’s supporting cast are boring! A few things of note:

So all that’s left for me to do then is to chip off my nail polish and organize my pantyhose drawer.



“personal style”

Denim and Supply by Ralph Lauren



When it comes to fashion, most people seem to have a style philosophy that they gravitate towards and stick to. Their personal style. But here’s my problem–I like a lot of styles. Somedays I’m refined and feminine, other days I’m dark and edgy. Lately, I’ve been sort of military grungy. Like, Ryan Janes (who is back in my life, thank god), actually told me I looked like a Vietnam veteran.

So when I saw Ralph Lauren’s Denim & Supply collection, I knew this was the closest thing to embodying my personal style (at the moment) that I was ever going to find. I want one of everything on my body–from both the men and women collection–immediately if not sooner.


this should cure anything

I cursed myself. When fall rolled around and one by one, all of my coworkers, friends, and family started to get sick–I scoffed. I’m not getting sick this year–I told them.

“Better knock on wood,” seemed to be the general response.

The reason I was so cocky is because I feel like lately, I’ve been healthier than I have been in many years–coming second place only to my glory days as a health and fitness blogger. I even started tracking my calories again and making green smoothies in the morning.

One night I was on my way out of the apartment to go to Body Pump wearing shorts and a long sleeve tshirt. I put on a jacket at my roommate’s urging and headed out in the 44 degree weather–which felt warm to me after being in Pittsburgh for Thanksgiving.

Sure enough, the next morning I woke up with a sore throat and some other unwelcomed cold and flu symptoms.

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I immediately went to the kitchen and threw some orange juice, kale, and frozen blueberries into a blender.

“This should cure anything,” I thought.

But three days later, the symptoms have not budged.

So since I’m pretty much confined to my bed, I figured I’d update my much neglected blog.

A Weekend Getaway

Back in November, Brian and I flew up to Boston for the weekend. Neither of us had been before, and the flights to Boston for DC are pretty reasonable compared to other places we’d never been.

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We stayed in Seaport and spent two days exploring Boston by foot–taking in plenty of historic sites and plenty of amazing food and beer.

As we were exploring, it must have been obvious to the locals that we had no clue what we were doing. The people were so nice to give us directions without even having to ask, and they also gave us plenty of recommendations, too.

One man recommended eating in Boston’s Little Italy. He said the lobster ravioli was… well, he did that Italian gesture where he put his fingers to his lips and kissed them.

And yes, it was that good.

Plus, we hadn’t eaten lunch and it was too early for a dinner crowd, so we didn’t have to wait in a long line (which is what I’ve heard about restaurants in Little Italy–no reservations and there’s always a line).

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Walking home from Little Italy all the way back to Seaport was a bit tiring after a long day of walking, but seeing the city at night was definitely worth it.

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The next morning, we had brunch downtown at a place called Granary Tavern–which Brian claims is the best food he’s ever had. Everything from from the coffee to the biscuits to my food that I made him finish since I didn’t want to carry around leftovers all day while we explored. While I can’t agree with Brian that it was the best food I ever had, I am easily impressed by any restaurant that serves breakfast pizza. More restaurants should do this!

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This little (okay, she was actually not little at all) beauty had spicy sausage, tomato, Vermont white cheddar, two fried eggs on top.

We then took an Uber over to the Charleston area to check out the Battle of Bunker Hill monument–which looks a lot like a smaller Washington Monument. They let you climb to the top (no charge) if you want, so we decided to take all 295 steps up.

The climb wasn’t terrible, except towards the top when the staircase narrows and people are trying to come down as you’re trying to go up.

One of the best parts about our trip to Boston was being able to hang out with my old coworker Alister, who moved up to Boston a few months prior to go back to school. This guy is a trooper–it was cold with a capital C and he rode his bike 30 minutes to Seaport to go out with us for drinks both Friday and Saturday.

Next time I go to Boston, I will definitely be going when it’s warmer and definitely eating more lobster.




My procrastination usually leads to really shitty Halloween costumes. I expected this year to be no different. When Jill asked me what we should do for our Halloween costume contest at work, I half joked that we should just go dressed as each other and see if anyone could even notice.

Our “costumes” turned out much better than I thought, and Jill dressed as me even ended up being the winner of the costume contest. I’m not sure what exactly that says about me that my style is eclectic enough to win a costume contest, but for now I’ve decided to take it as a compliment.

My other half-assed costume was a couple costume with Monica. I had originally planned to do a couple costume with well, my boyfriend (we were going to be Dexter and Dee-Dee from Dexter’s lab), but ultimately I decided that Monica and I should be Nacho Cheese & Cool Ranch Doritos. And yes, I had this idea BEFORE Katy Perry debuted her Halloween costume–a Cheeto.

Our Doritos costumes just basically ended up being red & blue dresses, but we at least made the effort to krazy glue actual Doritos to our headbands. As a last minute addition, we put chip clips on our necklaces and hung actual bags of Doritos from the clips. This basically made our costumes a raving success because people could take a chip or two every time we walked by.



We hosted a Halloween/Housewarming party at our apartment on the Saturday of Halloween weekend, which featured a water cooler full of an extremely dangerous brandy-spiked sangria and a crockpot full of homemade spinach artichoke dip (wife skills outta control here). We had stocked up on wine from the Trader Joes in Virginia (the ones in Maryland don’t sell wine), but then everyone ended up bringing us wine anyway so now we have 18 bottles of wine and I’m not complaining one bit.





On actual Halloween, the crew and I opted for a night in of watching scary movies. Even movies I’ve already seen before (the Conjuring) still manage to make me a terrified mess:



My white girl fro (as visible in the photo below) is getting out of control these days, and I’m going to attempt to go put a brush through it. If you don’t hear from me in a week, there’s a good chance I’ve gotten lost in the rat’s nest on top of my head. Call for a hair stylist and/or an exorcist.




i found a dead bug in my hair this morning

Not to sound dramatic, but this is how my life has been this past week:

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I can deal with the $60 ticket I got while parked at the Metro for having an expired registration. I can deal with two (false) compulsory INS violations that were blocking my renewed registration. I can deal with the red light camera ticket that is making its way to my mailbox. I can deal with the Chipotle mafia at my office that consistently dominates the free lunch Friday vote at work, despite the well known fact that Chipotle does mean things to my insides (I’m nice enough to at least go to the gas station when my intestines go into freak mode). But did I have to go and drop my favorite part of the banana on the floor?

Let’s take a step back. I moved this month. And our condo association has some bullshit rule where you can’t move in on weekends or holidays, so my plans to have my family come in from out of town on Saturday to help me move were quickly overturned. Monica and I put up some desperate signs around the warehouse at work before my boss agreed to let everyone come into work late that Friday so they could lend a hand. We got the entire 17 foot Budget Truck unloaded in an hour, and I was almost sad to return it. Who would have thought someone used to driving a chicken nugget car could master a 17 foot Budget Truck so quickly? I didn’t choose the truck life; the truck life chose me.

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I’m really loving my new apartment so far. It feels so much more charismatic but also grown up than my previous apartments. We’ve actually taken to decorating it and making it look nice, instead of just using it as a place to store our belongings, as I’ve treated other apartments in the past. Monica and I even went and bought some paintings on our lunch break like classy bitches. I’ve definitely been cheating on fashion with furniture, and my latest trip to Ikea has resulted in a 2/3 of the way built dresser that is pretty much the bane of my existence–not to be confused with the the bane cat of my existence (“I was bOrn in the darkness.”)

Of course now’s about the time for a low note. I didn’t see the point in bringing the chinchilla cage with me when I moved–mostly because I don’t see myself ready to get another pet any time soon. I still have some pretty upsetting nightmares, the most recent one involving me going back to my old apartment for a few things I forgot, only to realize that I’d forgotten the chinchilla. There he was running around my room, healthy as can be, and so happy to see me. “I can’t believe I forgot you,” I said as I scratched under his chin. And then there was the dream where I kept his body in the cage even after he passed, and I shook it really hard one day and he woke up. Oh you guys, he still has such a grip on my heart.


Alright. Let me dig myself out of my pity hole to tell you what else is new.

I went to a wedding recently and went home with the best man. I guess I should tell you the best man was my boyfriend.


I’ve listened to Hozier’s “Take Me to Church” so many times that I’ve turned into a gay man. It’s seriously such a powerful and amazing song.

I don’t know if you caught it or not, but I made an appearance on the Kimye wedding episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians:

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There’s a farmer’s market right across the street from my apartment every Saturday. I am pretty much in heaven, because there’s a stand that sells homemade pickles.

The crew and I went to 9:30 club last night to see Vance Joy. When I woke up this morning, McDonalds breakfast was a necessity, not an option, and I found a dead bug in my hair. Hopefully that’s a pretty good representation of the kind of night I had.

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the fault in our bars

When was the last time you got something for a dollar? More importantly, when was the last time you got an awesome drink for a dollar?

Yesterday, Brandon, Leah, and I went to Adams Morgan and stopped at Medaterra for some margaritas. The margaritas are usually $3–which is a damn bargain on it’s own, but apparently between 4-6 the margaritas are only $1.

I’ll take a 10, please.


The food at Medaterra is equally on point. I got the Roman Bruschetta with lamb, which was basically French bread with goat cheese, garlic, tomatoes, and roasted lamb. I will probably dream of this dish until the next time I have it.

After we left Medaterra, we walked over to 18th street to Muzettes, where Jackie was celebrating her birthday. It will probably surprise you to learn that I don’t have a TON of karaoke experience, but if you’re going to do karaoke, I feel like this is the way to do it.

Muzettes has a bunch of different rooms that you can rent out so that it’s just your party doing the karaoke in that room with your own karaoke machine.


Backstreet Boys, Robin, Alanis, Lana, and Spice Girls happened. Pretty standard.

Of course the reward for making it all the way to Admo is….


An end-of-the-night visit to Jumbo Slice.

A few random extra tidbits for you:

We had our office remodeled and now have a lovely, big white wall to project games onto while we work.


In other news, if you don’t want me to drink champagne at work, don’t leave bottles of bubbly in the water cooler:


The bosses being away also means I took charge of our free lunch Friday vote. The options included “Chipotle,” “Five Guys,” and “Four guys will suffice, thanks.” When it was time to go pick up our order, I ended the training call I was on with, “Ok I gotta go pick up five guys. And then I gotta pick up lunch.” My poor coworkers, I know. I never seem to run out of five guys jokes:

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Oh and one final gem from this week. Spotted: a smart car with a spinning turn key on the back:


Well I’m going to go do what I do best on Sundays: patiently wait for the next acceptable meal time to feed myself.