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maternal

My mom is coming to visit me this weekend. This has only happened maybe three times since I moved down from PA to Merryland in 2011, so I figured I should try to make the most of our time. Unfortunately, she’s already turned down my two best ideas:

  1. Korean bathhouse that makes you get completely naked in front of each other
  2. Margarita march in DC 

The fact that she showed zero interest in either of these activities naturally makes me further question her maternal claims. I spent the whole weekend asking my dad, “why DO I like so much like Uncle Lou?” this past weekend because I’m pretty convinced he and my Aunt Dottie are my real parents. He essentially told me I’m too white to be Uncle Lou’s daughter (Uncle Lou is Puerto Rican).

Speaking of white, I was walking over to the Town Center for 2nd happy hour last Thursday (one apparently isn’t enough anymore and I’m expecting an intervention any day now), when I noticed a young man approaching while singing & listening to his head phones. Now, I’m not sure if these were lyrics to the song or not, but as he walked by, he sang,

“Hey white girl you look fat.” Or maybe it was phat? I’m hoping it was phat.

Anyway, let’s talk about my “mom” some more. My mom’s Facebook exists entirely to embarrass me. Last Christmas, she posted a throwback of me in the third grade. The big problem I have with my third grade picture is that it’s proof that at one point in my life I “rocked” a mullet that would have made Joe Dirt proud. So I did what anyone would do if they that wanted to forget those dark days in Western PA–I deleted AND blocked my mom on Facebook.

Eventually she found her way back on my friend list, just in time to post this gem for my 26th birthday:

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My response?

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So since I’m going to have to wait for the DNA test I just Amazon Primed and for my mom to get here so I can trick her into taking it, I’ve been on the lookout for other proof of my true creators.

Exhibit A–my mom in her mid-20s and me in my mid 20s:

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Sidenote, that picture resulted in the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me:

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Exhibit B–our outfits of choice for Thanksgiving last year:

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Exhibit C–taking to Twitter with our problems because no one else seems to care:

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See you soon, mom!

PS: I went to my friend Nina’s place yesterday to see if being 26 means I no longer have aversions to babies:

Screen Shot 2015-04-20 at 10.07.28 PMTo be determined, my friends, to be determined.

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a note from Grammy

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please don’t try to walk in these. They are just for looking at. Much love, pop & gram. Happy birthday!

Related post: Emails from My Grandparents

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if you would have ever told me

If you would have ever told me that I’d let me blog go for over two months, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. And if you would have told me that I’d ever want to spend a rainy Friday night cleaning out my closets, washing my towels, and updating my blog, I probably wouldn’t have believed that either.

I also can’t believe I took my first spinning class last week. Well actually, let me rephrase that. My coworkers FORCED me to attend my first spinning class last week. I had always heard rumors about spinning desensitizing a woman’s front-butt, which was really a risk I was never willing to take. I’m not going to confirm or deny but I think I will stick to my Les Mills classes for the time being and pray that it’s enough to combat the copious amounts of pizza I’ve made a habit of consuming.

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And then there’s the fact that I’m turning 26 in less than two weeks. That means I have less than two weeks to be 25 sittin’ on 25 mil. You know, Drake style?

I’m continuously shocked by how little I change despite getting older. I mean obviously my looks and figure are on a steep decline (jk kind of sort of not really), but I still do that thing where when I drink too much, I run away and hide from my friends. I chose to do this at a St. Patrick’s Day bar crawl in Baltimore, which is probably one of the most dangerous things I’ve ever decided to do. After a few blocks of running, I looked up and saw I was on Leakin Street, which reminded me of Leakin Park (where the body was found in the podcast, Serial). I called my friends to let them know I had somehow made my way into the podcast and was very scared. Normal stuff, you know? Oh and I fell off a bench.

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What else is new since my last post?

  • I finally went to Thai Tanic.
  • I’ve become obsessed with red lips and want to wear them every day.
  • I bought a family sized bag of Doritos at Costco, which at the time I convinced myself was surely a sign that I’ve given up on life.
  • On a recent trip to Charlotte, my coworker Hannah told me that I looked like “Lauren Conrad having a bad hair day,” which is easily the nicest compliment anyone has ever given me.
  • I let Bailey talk me into doing a 5K with her in DC for one of our clients, but only if we could go to brunch after.
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  • I friended my Uncle on Facebook almost two months ago and never heard anything back. Even my own family doesn’t want to be my friend.
  • I didn’t get invited home for Easter this year. I guess when you turn down Easter three years in a row you eventually stop getting the invite.
  • They did invite me to go see Phantom of the Opera in Pittsburgh with them though. I asked really annoying questions like “was he a ghost the whole time or just at the end?”
  • I attended my first baby shower and also asked really annoying questions the whole time like, “what in the hell is a diaper genie?”
  • I was gifted a selfie stick, so you should probably avoid my Instagram for the next month or so.
  • I paid off two of my student loans. Only a million more to go!
  • There is such a thing as a Pop-Tart Donut–a donut filled with Pop-Tart filling.
  • Six months after moving into my “new” apartment, I’m still on the hunt for the perfect coffee table. At least good wall art isn’t nearly as hard to find….
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elastic

You know how sometimes you have days like this?

Well. Today I had a day like this:

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Yes–those are five-tier Minnetonkas because no, my three-tier ones were not enough.

I dreamt of my love last night, who I haven’t dreamt of in quite some time.

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In my dream, he was just as sick as he was before we had to put him down–except he was in my mom’s old house and we had forgotten he was there–sick and alone for who knows how long.

If I’m being honest with myself, I think the dream has a lot to do with someone else in my life who is sick and who I feel almost as equally powerless to help anymore.

The limited stability in my life has come from somewhere I never thought I would find it–in taking care of myself.

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Sorry–ignore the part about the vodka.

So yes, even after the dream, the rest of my day went on to be increasingly lousy. I may have punched a door and broken one of my bracelets in the process. But before I knew it, I was pulling into the parking lot of Gold’s Gym ready to get out my frustrations. And let me tell you, if you want to up your weight in not one, not two, but three different Body Pump tracks, all you have to do is suffer under the weight of a terrible day–and then physical weight will never feel as heavy.

I’m feeling a lot better now–and I apologize for being such a killjoy blogger. If you find yourself having a similar Monday, this song has been helping me out a lot. You won’t see me fall apart ’cause I’ve got an elastic heart. Bonus points? Shia Labeouf is in that music video and I’m pretty sure he’s supposed to look homeless but he looks sexy as fack. The obsession that waned with the ending of Even Stevens has been exponentially renewed with this music video.

Come to me, Louis. Errr. I mean Shia.

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not dead yet!

It’s definitely been 6+ months since I had my hair done, and I have one very important question. How come when Drew Barrymore lets her roots go, she looks super cool…

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…and when I let my roots go I look more like an unshowered Courtney Love?

Anyway.

I forgot to tell you the funniest thing that happened–and thankfully I had Jill to remind me of it.

Traditionally, my sisters and I spend Christmas Eve with my dad’s family and Christmas day with my mom’s family. I didn’t make it home until almost midnight on Christmas day, so I missed out on a lot (okay, pretty much all) of the festivities. But that doesn’t mean I’m dead, people:

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The weekend before Christmas, Brian and I drove up to Philly to spend some time with his dad. I realize that as a Pittsburgh native, I’m supposed to dislike Philadelphia, but I cannot possibly dislike a city that combines cheese, steak, and bread so beautifully (in case you’re curious, almost all guides pointed me to Pat’s for cheesesteaks).

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I have only met Brian’s dad a few times, but I happened to spot a Spartan warrior helmet as soon as I entered his home. I don’t even think I said hi to him before I beelined straight to the helmet.

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to need to put this on,” I told him.

And of course, put it on I did.

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Before you even say it Trevor (just in case you still read my blog), yes–I know I look a lot prettier with that helmet on.

Goodnight!

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festival fashion

 Is it weird that I would wear what I call “festival fashion” pretty much every day of my life?
Festival Fashion

 

 

As much as I hated all the teenage butt cheek at Sweet Life last year (high-waisted short trend–you can die now), I couldn’t help but love the festival atmosphere.

Take me back.

 

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I love the pin-up looking girl lounging in the background of this photo. How timeless does she look? I wish I was her in this picture instead of the doofus holding the Bud Light with the strategically placed company logo on my beer koozie.

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microsoft word endorsements

So you know how when people announce their engagements or pregnancies on Facebook, they get like, 200+ likes? Obviously I have nothing like that to announce. BUT. Every once in awhile I have what I think is comedic gold and it gets a few pity likes. Anything that breaks 10 is considered GOOD in my book, so I was thrilled that my FB friends at least appreciated a good Austin Powers reference:

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Speaking of social media, my new favorite hobby is endorsing people for “Microsoft Word” on LinkedIn. Eventually I got a taste of my own medicine…

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I don’t know why I find this so amusing–I just do.

Our office is in a very industrial area and is therefore in walking distance of absolutely nothing–except for a gas station/McDonalds combo. Every once in while when we need an afternoon pick-me-up, we’ll walk up for a snack. Today I bought these brownie stuffed cookies because I have NO respect for my body apparently:

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This kind of reminds me of the Thanksgiving apparel investment I made that I think I neglected to share with you:

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And there might have been a shirt purchased for Christmas as well:

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This shirt was especially appropriate given the past few Christmases with my family. In 2013, for example, I ended up having the flu and rationalizing that I could still drink as long as I was drinking screwdrivers (for the vitamin C, of course). I then tricked my mom into giving my Benadryl. Just so you know, tee many screwdrivers + Benadryl = what I imagine some kind of hard drug trip would feel like. I ended up texting my boyfriend something about the old Disney channel show “Even Stevens,” followed by–“Yeah Andy, brother is too tall.” PS–my boyfriend’s name isn’t Andy. In fact, I don’t have a single Andy in my phone. Update: I definitely wrote a post about this appropriately titled “vodka and Benadryl”.

I think that’s enough nonsense for tonight.

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we’re back!

At least 2 people have asked me what happened to lexiebond.com–which is enough to make me pay $50 to renew the hosting for another 3 months.

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In case you can’t tell by the blurriness and the sequins, that picture was from New Years. I have a lot to catch you up on, but I’m extremely busy having the laziest Saturday of my life.

Okay so it’s not THAT lazy. I made it to body pump, went to Trader Joes, and made homemade miso soup.

At least TWO of those things were on me and Bailey’s 2015 goal list:

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So just because my life is super uninteresting doesn’t mean the lives of lexiebond.com’s supporting cast are boring! A few things of note:

So all that’s left for me to do then is to chip off my nail polish and organize my pantyhose drawer.

Cheers!

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“personal style”

Denim and Supply by Ralph Lauren

 

 

When it comes to fashion, most people seem to have a style philosophy that they gravitate towards and stick to. Their personal style. But here’s my problem–I like a lot of styles. Somedays I’m refined and feminine, other days I’m dark and edgy. Lately, I’ve been sort of military grungy. Like, Ryan Janes (who is back in my life, thank god), actually told me I looked like a Vietnam veteran.

So when I saw Ralph Lauren’s Denim & Supply collection, I knew this was the closest thing to embodying my personal style (at the moment) that I was ever going to find. I want one of everything on my body–from both the men and women collection–immediately if not sooner.

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this should cure anything

I cursed myself. When fall rolled around and one by one, all of my coworkers, friends, and family started to get sick–I scoffed. I’m not getting sick this year–I told them.

“Better knock on wood,” seemed to be the general response.

The reason I was so cocky is because I feel like lately, I’ve been healthier than I have been in many years–coming second place only to my glory days as a health and fitness blogger. I even started tracking my calories again and making green smoothies in the morning.

One night I was on my way out of the apartment to go to Body Pump wearing shorts and a long sleeve tshirt. I put on a jacket at my roommate’s urging and headed out in the 44 degree weather–which felt warm to me after being in Pittsburgh for Thanksgiving.

Sure enough, the next morning I woke up with a sore throat and some other unwelcomed cold and flu symptoms.

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I immediately went to the kitchen and threw some orange juice, kale, and frozen blueberries into a blender.

“This should cure anything,” I thought.

But three days later, the symptoms have not budged.

So since I’m pretty much confined to my bed, I figured I’d update my much neglected blog.

A Weekend Getaway

Back in November, Brian and I flew up to Boston for the weekend. Neither of us had been before, and the flights to Boston for DC are pretty reasonable compared to other places we’d never been.

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We stayed in Seaport and spent two days exploring Boston by foot–taking in plenty of historic sites and plenty of amazing food and beer.

As we were exploring, it must have been obvious to the locals that we had no clue what we were doing. The people were so nice to give us directions without even having to ask, and they also gave us plenty of recommendations, too.

One man recommended eating in Boston’s Little Italy. He said the lobster ravioli was… well, he did that Italian gesture where he put his fingers to his lips and kissed them.

And yes, it was that good.

Plus, we hadn’t eaten lunch and it was too early for a dinner crowd, so we didn’t have to wait in a long line (which is what I’ve heard about restaurants in Little Italy–no reservations and there’s always a line).

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Walking home from Little Italy all the way back to Seaport was a bit tiring after a long day of walking, but seeing the city at night was definitely worth it.

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The next morning, we had brunch downtown at a place called Granary Tavern–which Brian claims is the best food he’s ever had. Everything from from the coffee to the biscuits to my food that I made him finish since I didn’t want to carry around leftovers all day while we explored. While I can’t agree with Brian that it was the best food I ever had, I am easily impressed by any restaurant that serves breakfast pizza. More restaurants should do this!

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This little (okay, she was actually not little at all) beauty had spicy sausage, tomato, Vermont white cheddar, two fried eggs on top.

We then took an Uber over to the Charleston area to check out the Battle of Bunker Hill monument–which looks a lot like a smaller Washington Monument. They let you climb to the top (no charge) if you want, so we decided to take all 295 steps up.

The climb wasn’t terrible, except towards the top when the staircase narrows and people are trying to come down as you’re trying to go up.

One of the best parts about our trip to Boston was being able to hang out with my old coworker Alister, who moved up to Boston a few months prior to go back to school. This guy is a trooper–it was cold with a capital C and he rode his bike 30 minutes to Seaport to go out with us for drinks both Friday and Saturday.

Next time I go to Boston, I will definitely be going when it’s warmer and definitely eating more lobster.

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